Completely Illogical
by Ash to Dust
Summary: Saavik Lina Doyle grew up without her Vulcan mother. Ending up in Starfleet she struggles to fit in, and meeting Spock only complicates matters. Spock/Uhura sligt hints of Spock/OC
1. Missed chances

"T'Lel…" He didn't know why he was bothering. It's not easy to reason with someone who has devoted their life to logic rather than emotion. He should have expected this sort of action; he should have known that she would leave him.

"Declan, _t'hy'la__**,**_ I have brought enough shame upon my family already. I cannot stay here. Returning to Vulcan is the logical thing to do." Declan instantly felt annoyed at her use of 'friend' instead of 'love'.

"To hell with logic!" He responded instantly, accidentally waking the four-week-old child resting in her basket beside them. "What about Lina?" T'Lel arched an eyebrow and gave him a look that was clearly telling him off for using a pet name for their daughter.

"She cannot come to Vulcan with me; it would bring further shame upon my family, and on her."

"Are you suggesting that I bring her up on my own?" Declan asked incredulously. T'Lel gave a small sigh, knowing the reaction she would get.

"It is the logical thing to do." She saw the anger in her partner's face for a split-second before her turned to leave, heading towards the shuttle that would take her away to Vulcan. For a few moments Declan couldn't move. He could only watch the back of her head, her Vulcan-style black hair shining in the light, moving slowly away. Finally he grabbed the basket and ran after her.

"T'Lel!" He called out. She didn't look back but she stopped. It was enough for him. "Damn you T'Lel! Logic didn't matter nine months ago did it?" This comment made her slowly turn around to face her partner and daughter. Declan could have sworn that he saw tears in her eyes.

"Nine months ago my control failed m," T'Lel told him her voice calm and emotionless, "I intend to return to Vulcan and complete the _Kolinahr_. I cannot bring the child with me; she will have no place on Vulcan. She will not be accepted."

"What about Ambassador Sarek?" Declan interrupted, realising that he would have to try a different tactic. Not that it would make any difference, once T'Lel had made up her mind that was it.

"The Ambassador is an exception. However I am not an important member of the council, nor have I any excuse."

"So this is goodbye then?" Declan said with a resigned sigh, holding his daughter close to him, her pointed ears hidden by the soft blankets. T'Lel nodded and boarded the shuttle leaving her family far behind her.

*-*-*

The next time Declan saw T'Lel was nearly five years later. Lina had wanted to go a space exhibition, mainly because space was one of her great interests, but partly because she would get to see other species. Finally he had relented and taken her. However a Vulcan group were also there. He had known that it was T'Lel instantly but had tried his hardest to ignore her, knowing she would consider it disrespectful if she had completed the _Kolinahr_.

However Lina had other ideas. She had been watching the groups curiously and after a few moments she reached up and tugged on his sleeve.

"Dada, is that my mama?" Thankfully she had asked the question quietly, but even then he could see T'Lel's head rise slightly. He stopped walking and knelt beside his little girl. Her dark hair hid her pointed ears but she still had her mother's eyebrows. He knew she was a clever girl, but surely not that clever?

He was left with a simple choice. He could either lie to Lina to protect T'Lel's honour or he could tell the truth, a trait he admired, and destroy T'Lel's career.

"No sweetheart, she isn't."

"But she has pointy ears. Just like mine." Lina was persistent; she knew that she had found something.

"All her people have pointy ears darling, why do you ask?"

"It's not polite to stare." He sighed, knowing he had slipped up and was thankful when the Vulcan group moved away but as he watched them leave he saw T'Lel glance briefly back, her eyes running over her daughter's small form, committing every detail to memory.

It was then that Declan decided that his daughter was too clever for her own good.

*-*-*

Time passed quickly and soon Lina was applying to college, one that specialised in science. But once again she had a major problem. Apart from the weird looks she got for her eyes and ears she needed both of her parents signatures to get into the college. She could probably forge a signature quite convincingly but she had been brought up to always tell the truth. As she was unable to get into college she had only one option left. She applied to Starfleet, a good career choice for any intelligent seventeen-year-old.

As she always did she decided to have a look around the campus before handing in her application. It was certainly impressive and modern. Although all the cadets gave her strange looks, probably because she was wearing civilian clothing, she didn't mind the attention.

The sun was beginning to set when she got lost. Looking around for anyone to ask for directions she saw a man in a black uniform walking down the path away from her.

"Excuse me sir!" She called out, breaking into a run. The man stopped and turned. For a brief moment she allowed a look of surprise to pass over her face before she quickly suppressed it. He was a Vulcan, dark hair, pointed ears, the lot. But his eyes puzzled her, they looked human.

"You are not a cadet." He replied, his voice gentle yet the words making shapes in the air, she was transfixed by his voice.

"No sir. I wish to apply to Starfleet and it seemed logical to view the academy before handing in my application. I did not wish the intrude Commander..?" She gave her explanation quickly, trying to show no emotion, taking note of the rank bard on his shoulder; he looked a little young to be a Commander. She had also spoken the sentences in Vulcan, hopefully his home dialect.

"Spock." He supplied politely, showing no emotion, 'It is not an intrusion. I was merely curious." Lina nodded in understanding. His reply had been in the same dialect.

"Could you possibly direct me to the linguistics lab Commander?" She asked simply. Spock raised an eyebrow.

"That was where I was heading."

"What a co-incidence." She replied smartly before cursing herself for the remark. It wasn't a very Vulcan thing to say.

"Then it is logical for me to escort you there." Lina nodded, not trusting herself to speak anymore. There was a rather uncomfortable silence before Spock spoke again. "I am intrigued, why do you wish to join the academy?" Lina thought her response over.

"I have no desire to go anywhere else." All she got in response was a raised eyebrow. They rest of the walk was in silence. Eventually they arrived at the linguistics lab and parted ways. But Spock was more than intrigued now, so he turned and caught up with the young Vulcan girl.

"Excuse me but I neglected to ask for your name." The young girl looked at him, hesitating before responding.

She had two choices, she could use her middle name, the one that her father used, the one she was used to. Or she could use her first name and give a route for Spock to track down her mother with. After a few moments she made up her mind.

"My name is Saavik." She told him quietly. He nodded, pausing before replying.

"It has been… enlightening speaking with you Saavik. I hope to see you at the start of the year." He said in Vulcan. He was slightly surprised when she raised her had in the Vulcan salute.

"I hope to have the pleasure of speaking with you again Commander Spock. Live long and prosper." He replied the salute.

"Live long and prosper Saavik." They parted ways, heading in opposite directions for the first of many times.


	2. Mixed heritage

*-*-*

Saavik of Vulcan became Lina Doyle to her classmates. She preferred the use of her father's name because they accepted her when she used it. Her first day had been rather uneventful. They were given a tour and their timetables and sent off to their rooms so that they could get comfortable with their new homes and new roommates.

Lina hadn't seen Spock. She assumed that he would be teaching those in the years above and she would probably miss his classes anyway. He was teaching linguistics and she was following a science career, like he had originally.

She walked along the corridor until she found her new room and knocked politely.

"Come in!" A cheerful voice replied. The doors slid open to reveal her roommate, a human, probably of oriental origin.

"Hello, I'm Lina, your roommate." Lina supplied softly, moving further into the room.

"Lina, are you a Vulcan?" The girl asked, bemused, "If you are you aren't acting like one." She was looking pointedly at her hairstyle, which was definitely not Vulcan, and her clothes, normal for a human teenager.

"Half Vulcan," Lina told her simply, "What's your name?"

"Oh, sorry! I'm Skie, from Japan." The girl said hurriedly, blushing.

"It's nice to meet you Skie."

Lina and Skie got on well at first. Their friendship grew with each day. Lina taught Skie martial arts and Skie taught her fencing. Lina showed her how to meditate and Skie showed Lina how to play the piano. For the first few weeks however most of their time was spent studying and doing homework. After one particularly busy day Lina came back to their room to find Skie looking rather upset.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm so going to fail Vulcan I." Skie replied, holding out a PADD. Lina took it with some hesitation. The essay that Skie had written did have many mistakes, but that was to be expected. The mark caught her eye.

"Seventeen out of fifty," She exclaimed, "I would give this twenty five, at least, and I speak Vulcan fluently!"

"Yeah well, Commander Spock…" Lina stopped dead at her friends words.

"Spock marked this?"

"He is the Vulcan lecturer. In case you hadn't noticed." But Skie's words didn't reach Lina's ears. She was already half way down the corridor, heading in the direction of Spock's office.

*-*-*

The doorbell chimed disrupting Spock's meditation. He had said that his door was open to anyone at any time but eh hadn't expected anyone this early in the term, apart from Nyota Uhura of course.

"Come in." He called standing and dusting himself down. The door slid open and a student he hadn't taught came into the room holding a PADD, "Cadet?" He questioned.

"Commander." The girl's cool voice replied. It was then that he recognised her. It was Saavik and there was no doubting that.

"Saavik, what can I do for you?" He could feel her anger from where he was standing. She handed him the PADD.

"You can explain why you gave this such a low mark!" She shouted at him, barely holding in her emotions. He raised an eyebrow at her and scrolled through the essay.

"There are many mistakes." He told her simply.

"I can see that! Skie only started Vulcan three weeks ago! Of course there are going to be mistakes!" Her anger was started to disturb his control.

"Cadet Saavik, please regain control of your emotions." He watched as the fire in her eyes burned out and she seemed to slump. He watched her as she sat down on the nearest chair and buried her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, just loud enough for his Vulcan hearing to pick it up.

"It is expected." He replied glancing down at the PADD he still held, "I will consider your comment about my marking Cadet. As you seem to understand humans better than me and you speak all Vulcan dialects fluently it would be logical that I take your opinions into account." Lina didn't move but he heard a sound that he recognised, it was a sound his mother made when she was upset.

"I try so hard to be Vulcan," Lina choked out the words in between sobs, "but I can never be Vulcan. I grew up in a place where emotions are normal, where emotions are encouraged, so when I meet a Vulcan and I try to act like my emotions are suppressed they can always see through me."

Spock stood opposite her, unsure as to how he should react. After a few moments he sat beside her.

"It is not your fault." He told her, trying to comfort her, "I too struggled with my emotions when I was a child. Many of my elders and classmates rejected me." Slowly Lina lifted her head and wiped away her tears.

"You did?" She sounded rather surprised.

"I will… show you, if you will permit me." Lina looked at him properly for the first time since she had rushed into the room.

"That won't be necessary," She whispered, "I can imagine it." Then much to his shock she hugged him, starting to cry again. But this time he understood that the tears were for him. He hesitantly marked the essay on the PADD for a second time.

"Here." He said simply, holding it out to her. She pulled away, blushing again.

"Sorry." She muttered quietly, taking the PADD.

"I hope the new mark is acceptable." Lina glanced down at the PADD, twenty five out of fifty.

"It is perfectly acceptable." She replied, standing and heading towards the door.

"Saavik," He called after her, "My mother once told me that I should not try to be something I am not. It is some advice that I think will benefit you." Lina nodded one hand on the door.

"In that case, please call me Lina." Hr raised his eyebrows but nodded.

"Goodbye Lina."

"Goodbye Spock."

*-*-*

Lina handed the PADD back to a bemused looking Skie only ten minutes later.

"Twenty five, what on earth did you do to him to get that?" Skie exclaimed having seen the mark. The PADD now rested on the bed, where it had fallen from her shocked fingers.

"Nothing, I just offered some advice." Lina replied, sitting down to do her own homework.

"What sort of advice? How to get the girl you want in six easy steps?" Skie teased from her bed. Lina rolled her eyes and went back to her essay. By the time she finished her essay it was nearly midnight. Much to her surprise her communicator clicked on.

It was a message from Spock.

_I have sent with this message my mother's communication number. I believe that talking to her will help you to make peace with yourself and understand the realities of being Vulcan. If you do make a decision please contact me._

_Spock_

_**This message has one attachment.**_

_Amanda Grayson – 783409/2_

_Vulcan_

With shaking fingers Lina typed in Amanda Grayson's number and opened a communication link.

*-*-*

"Hello?" Amanda Grayson asked. She didn't recognise the communication number and the young girl didn't look like anyone she knew.

"Hello, are you Amanda Grayson?" The young girl questioned.

"Yes, who am I speaking to?"

"Saavik, Commander Spock suggested that I discuss some issues with you." Lina told her.

"Spock? How is he?"

"He is fine; he said that you could give me some advice."

"Of course Saavik, what do you wish to talk about?"

"I wish to know whether or not I should try to be Vulcan."

*-*-*

The following day Lina called at Spock's office.

"Yes Cadet?" He called.

"Can you teach me to suppress my emotions" She asked hesitantly.

"I am assuming that you have spoken to my mother, in which case, if you wish to learn then I will teach you." He replied.

"I do."


	3. Making choices

_Sorry about the long wait, I've been on holiday and cruelly torn away from my keyboard! To make up for it here are two new chapters. On with the story!_

*-*-*

At first her sessions with Spock were long and arduous, yet somehow they also seemed to bring out something in her that she had forgotten long ago. As Spock's mother had suggested Lina attempted to make a healthy balance between her human side and her Vulcan side. To start with she found this rather difficult mainly because Skie kept annoying her about her decision, but soon even she realised it was for the best.

It was late in the evening when she received a message from Spock, not unexpected but she was pleasantly surprised.

_Meet me in my office in ten minutes._

The message was simple enough but it confused her. Spock never informed her about meetings at such late notice. But she went nonetheless, earning several strange looks that said, why are you going to a teacher's office this late at night?

She arrived promptly as normal, not a second too early or a second late. As she rose her hand to touch the chime the door slid open. Clearly he had been waiting for her, something he hadn't done before. As she entered, her eyes quickly adjusted to the dim lights. He was sat on the chair in the corner by the desk but he didn't look up as she entered.

"Is something wrong professor?" she asked quietly afraid that she had said the wrong thing.

"Lina." He replied simply. She stopped walking towards him, stunned. For several weeks she had been trying to get him to call her that and each time he had stubbornly refused, and now he used it so freely, with so much, _emotion_.

"Spock? What's happened?" Slowly Lina ventured closer. He looked tired, more tired than he ever had before, and more strained.

"I'm afraid that our sessions will have to be suspended for some time." He told her quietly.

"Oh." It was all she could think to say, she had begun to enjoy their meetings. "I will assume that something… important has come up."

"There had been strange occurrences on Vulcan, the council wish for me to converse with the scientists at the Vulcan science academy to discover what is happening, but I fear it is something far worse than we anticipate. Starfleet command has issued an order for all ships to by put on standby. There is a possibility that Vulcan may be under attack." Lina could think of nothing to say. It was not like Spock to divulge such important and probably highly classified information to a cadet.

"Why did you tell me that?"

"It is logical that you should know as Vulcan is your home as well." Spock pointed out.

"But why me, I'm a cadet! What should I know about these things?" Lina retorted, feeling more confused and pressured by every second that passed. Spock sighed, another thing he didn't do often.

"You have shown great promise Lina. I felt it… necessary that you should be informed." Lina took a moment to digest this; he had said felt, a show of emotion.

"If the ships are launched, may I also assume that you will be going with them?" She started quietly.

"Yes, I have the science post on the U.S.S Enterprise." Lina almost whistled.

"Enterprise? Wow, you have to be really good to get onto the Enterprise. She's the flagship isn't she?" But Lina stopped herself before she could say more, knowing already that she had gone too far. The silence seemed to fill the room.

"I'm sorry professor. I went too far." She mumbled, heading for the exit. He didn't stop her.

*-*-*

She didn't see Spock for days after that. She heard that he had to attend a hearing for a certain James Kirk, although the girl who had told her this had said Kirk's name in such a dreamy way that Lina almost didn't believe her.

Half an hour an emergency was announced. Lina along with Skie and Rykan, her two closest friends raced outside to watch the ships vanish on their journey towards Vulcan. Spock, Lina knew, had gone with them. For several days they heard nothing but they all knew that Vulcan was gone, the star missing in the sky. It was all over the news, how the planet had collapsed in on itself and become a black hole.

Lina couldn't help but feel sad. Her mother had been on Vulcan, she was probably dead. Tense hours passed waiting for news, yet none came. Lessons were suspended and the students occupied themselves by spreading rumours, listening in on conversations they probably shouldn't and many left to visit their families.

Finally the Enterprise appeared. In less than ten seconds everyone in the academy knew that it had returned, limping, damaged, but in one piece. Lina joined the crowds as the crew left the ship shouting praises to other members of the crew, and James Kirk, who many were calling _captain._

But Lina was only waiting for one person and when he appeared a crushing worry that had consumed her for days was lifted. Spock was there, alive and well and sharing a rather intimate look with Nyota Uhura.

It felt as though a crushing oppression that had smothered her had been lifted and gave him a small smile, but she doubted that he would have seen her in the crowd. Absentmindedly she noticed that the crowd around her were focussed on the other officers. They were ignoring Spock as if they believed that he didn't even exist.

*-*-*

That day Lina realised exactly how much pressure and prejudice Spock was under. He tended to remain in his room, leaving it only to go to his office to his classes. She watched a few people visit him, Uhura of course, Leonard McCoy and, much to her initial surprise, James Kirk. This had bemused her more than most, why on earth would James Kirk visit Spock?

But she laid her feelings aside and in a spare moment went to Spock's office. After ringing the chime and receiving no reply she began to turn away, believing the room empty. Yet a few moments later she saw the door slide open and James Kirk walk out.

"Hey!" He greeted before swaggering out of sight.

"Hello Lina." It took her several moments to recognise his voice, it sounded so weary and careworn. Slowly she turned around and found herself face to face with Spock.

"Hello." She replied, not knowing what else to say. What could she say? If the rumours were true then not only had Spock lost his family, but his mother. At first Lina had found it difficult to believe that kind and loving Amanda Grayson was gone and had taken the loss badly. In hard times she had often spoken with Amanda and now her one true friend was gone.

"Would you like to come in?" Spock asked pleasantly enough but Lina could feel the emotions building up around him and he looked pale, even for a Vulcan.

"Yes, I suppose." They sat in the corner by the window, watching ordinary people go about their ordinary lives until Lina could hold it in no longer.

"Why has James Kirk been visiting you?" She asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. Spock looked vaguely surprised at her knowledge and carefully thought over his reply.

"Kirk has been talking to me about… everything. He would like me to remain aboard the Enterprise as his science officer." Lina was shocked, she knew what Kirk and done to Spock and then he asked _this_ of him?

"Remain after what he said to you about Amanda?" But she didn't raise her voice, knowing that right now needed her to be as Vulcan as possible.

"He had apologised for that many times, Lina. He believes that we can be _friends_, although I dare not ask him why he seems so certain."

"Are you going to go?" Lina asked quietly her gaze returning to the busy streets below.

"I am not sure. My duty lies with Vulcan…" He seemed ready to say more but Lina cut across him.

"What does your heart say?"

*-*-*


	4. Mastering emotions

*-*-*

Five years, Lina mused, was a long time. She had almost forgotten what it had been like to talk with Spock. She had grown up. She had graduated well and was now a Lieutenant who occasionally went on scientific missions. However recently she had been back at the academy taking a command course to improve her skills.

She had almost forgotten that the Enterprise would be returning from its mission, almost. As she was a Lieutenant she had a room to herself and every now and then she would find herself missing Skie. But now she was twenty-two and had easily found the balance between Vulcan and human inside herself. She used her real name far more often and only allowed close friends to call her Lina. Too everyone around her she was Lieutenant Saavik, the Vulcan girl; to her friends she was Lina, a far too human person to be completely Vulcan.

Occasionally she described herself as completely illogical, which was nearly true. Until she remembered that Spock would be coming back with the Enterprise that day, then completely illogical was the most fitting description.

As the ship docked and the crew were beamed down to Earth Lina waited patiently for her mentor, and friend, to step off the platform. Slowly he frizzled into existence and she allowed herself a small smile. It was clear that he too had grown. He seemed taller, wiser and more emotional than when he had left.

Then James Kirk appeared next to him, clapped him on the shoulder and followed him off the platform. Somehow this friendship didn't surprise her. She didn't know what had made Spock change his mind and join the crew of the Enterprise but it clearly been a good choice to make. She watched the two friends leave the hall amidst cheers and applause. Quietly she left the room.

*-*-*

"Hello Commander." She greeted calmly.

"Hello Lina." He replied gently as he let her into his office. It hadn't been sued for some time but no one had moved anything out for the fear of an angry Vulcan when Spock had returned.

"I couldn't help but notice that you and Kirk seem to be friends."

"We reached an agreement." Spock admitted.

"What? That you'd keep scientific comments to a minimum and he'd make no random comments whilst in your prescence?" Lina was surprised to find that her sense of humour had returned so quickly. She was also surprised by the ghost of a smile that briefly flashed across Spock's face.

"Something like that." Spock replied and Lina noted that he had _gained_ a sense of humour. "But I heard that you were taking courses in command." He said changing the subject.

"I wanted to expand my range of skills." Lina said and then added with a small shrug, "It's only logical." Spock gave her a look that she didn't quite understand.

"I have learnt that logic may not be the answer. That many things expand far beyond logic. I have seen many things that even I cannot understand or explain. At first it frustrated me but I believe it has made me wiser." He fell silent, staring out at the golden gate bridge over the buildings of San Francisco.

"Do you miss it?" She asked quietly, he didn't need confirmation as too what 'it' was.

"Sometimes, then I remember that I am surrounded by friends." Again silence filled the room. Lina looked up at the time and made a decision.

"I have a simulation to attend in ten minutes." She informed him.

"The Kobayashi Maru?" He questioned. Lina nodded, knowing he had programmed the simulation.

"In ten minutes." She confirmed allowed, turning to leave.

"Good luck." He said quietly and she glanced back in shock. It wasn't until afterwards that she understood why.

*-*-*

Lina's command courses progressed well over the following weeks and she often visited Spock for advice. Sometimes he was alone but usually Nyota was there talking with him. Although more than once Lina suspected that they had been doing activities far more than talking and she had interrupted by pressing on the door chime.

She had learned quickly that it was best to ring the chime before you entered any room at the academy and she had learned to hard way, so to speak. She had learnt many things the hard way.

*-*-*

"I was wondering why you have chosen to do so many command courses." Spock asked her as they walked around the campus. The conversation had started off innocent enough but Spock seemed to have taken a particular interest in her career choices.

"I don't mean to be offensive Spock, but why are so interested in me?"

"I thought that would be obvious, you are the only other Vulcan in Starfleet."

"Oh," She said quietly, "Is that it?" Spock seemed to think for a few moments.

"I knew you had excellent potential from the start but I came to realise over the last few years that sooner or later I will leave the Enterprise to go to new Vulcan. Jim and I discussed this possible future and he said that if I were to leave he wanted the officer that took over from me." Lina thought over the words for a few moments.

"You mean you want me to take over from me?" She asked bluntly.

"Yes. That is exactly what I mean."

"So that is why you are suddenly so interested," Lina was hardly aware she was thinking out loud, "You want me to take over the science station on the Enterprise rather than follow a command career."

"Precisely," Spock began but Lina interrupted.

"But that's not fair! You can't tell me how to live my life!" She shouted and turned to run away before Spock could even begin to formulate a response.

*-*-*

Lina sat in her room. It made been a long time since she had last cried but Spock's words had brought all of her emotions to the surface. How dare he? How did he even know that he would leave the Enterprise? No, he wasn't going to ruin her career for nothing, she wouldn't let him.

Ten minutes later she applied for three advanced command courses and one advanced science. It would satisfy Spock for now and she could follow the path she wanted. Command, tracking towards Science, rather than the Science career Spock wanted for her. She wouldn't let him ruin her life because of his precious _captain_.


	5. Mending lives

*-*-*

By the time Spock returned from the Enterprise to begin his teaching career at Starfleet Academy he was a captain, but somehow it wasn't his promotion that occupied his thoughts. He couldn't get Lieutenant Saavik's expression of hatred out of his mind. He knew that he had been wrong to pressure her into taking over his post but he also knew that she had the potential to do the job well.

Now he had the pressure of Jim to cope with, because Jim wanted a Vulcan to take his post if he were to leave. That meant that he had to make amends with said Vulcan student. Not an easy thing to do, but he could try.

He started with her mother. Saavik had assumed that her mother had died when Vulcan had been destroyed. But after some digging in the remaining records Spock had found that her mother was very much alive and searching for any route to her daughter.

Now that the Vulcan population was seriously low T'Lel was no longer ashamed of her daughter and was trying to hardest to find out where her daughter currently was. When Spock found her T'Lel had just about given up any hope of finding Saavik.

"Are you T'Lel?" He had asked the elderly Vulcan woman.

"I am." She had replied, quietly and with a tone of disinterest, "If you have any news on the location of her daughter do tell, if not then it is advisable that you leave." Spock had raised an eyebrow at the woman's attire; she looked tired and defeated, wearing black.

"I know where Saavik is." He told her quietly and instantly her face changed.

"You do?"

Now T'Lel looked distinctly nervous as they walked together towards the relative peace of the campus park. Even from here Spock could see Saavik reading from a PADD on one of the benches.

"Is that her?" T'Lel breathed.

"Yes, go to her." Spock had replied. But T'Lel hadn't, instead she had turned to him.

"Thank you." Then she was gone.

*-*-*

He didn't see Saavik for the next week. When she turned up on his doorstep it was unexpected, but something inside him sighed in relief.

"Captain Spock." She greeted formally, her voice level.

"Saavik." He replied, just as formally.

"It's Lina." Those two little words made all the difference. In those words was an apology, forgiveness and a question.

"Lina, I was wrong to push you into something you didn't want to do. You life is your to do what you will." Lina smiled slightly.

"And I was wrong to push you away. Thank you Spock, for finding my mother." Then she was gone.

*-*-*

"Saavik," Spock called her from across the mess hall, "may I speak to you?"

"Of course," She replied as she led him to a quiet table in the corner, "what about?"

"The Enterprise has been given a new mission; Captain Kirk would like you to take the ops post." Lina stared at him for a few moments, as though waiting for him to tell her that it was a joke.

"He wants _me_ to take the ops post?" She asked. Spock nodded in response, "Of course I'll do it." She said and Spock left to tell Jim that he had found his replacement.

She accompanied him to the Enterprise and showed him why he had picked her out. She performed her duties admirably and to the best of her ability. He could see that Jim had taken to her. She worked well under pressure and was always mindful when it came to reminding the captain of regulations. Jim asked him if she would be science officer when he left but he left that for her to answer. Little did he know she would never fill his post, or that the next mission he was to see her on would be one in which he had no idea who he was.

*-*-*

Lieutenant Saavik was sat next to David Marcus staring down at the Genesis Planet. She felt tears coming to her eyes every time she saw it because every time she saw the planet she saw Spock. Spock was the reason she was here, she hadn't stayed on Enterprise after his death. The grief had been too close.

"Saavik? We're registering a life signs on the planet." Saavik looked up at David and nodded. They transported down and went in search of the life signs. Of course, it has only been matter of time before life evolved on the planet. But when they found the source Saavik could hardly believe her eyes.

On the ground before her was Spock's 'coffin', and it was empty. But there had never been anyone here to take the body! Her questions were answered a moment later.

"I'm registering another life sign." David called out and they followed it. Saavik could feel the hope and suspense rising. When they found the source this time, she couldn't believe her eyes. It was Spock, at around the age of five.

"The planet must have brought him back" She muttered to herself as she scooped up the tiny boy. His eyes gazed at her in amazement, human eyes.

By the time Kirk arrived Saavik had helped teenage Spock through Pon Farr and seen David murdered before her eyes. It was too much. She stayed with them long enough to see Spock's body and mind reunited before leaving Starfleet. No one could blame her. Instead she went to live with her parents in San Francisco and got a job as a university lecturer.

By the time she died, far earlier than anyone had suspected. She was a well respected woman, who was killed saving the lives of her students when an earthquake had stuck the city. The funeral was small but well attended. Yet only one person could have named the tall Vulcan who stood at the back.

As they left T'Lel came to stand next to him as he stared at the grave of his friend.

"I owed her my life." He muttered, just loud enough for T'Lel to hear. "I wanted to say goodbye." T'Lel nodded in understanding and left. Spock stood alone in the graveyard as he slowly reached out and touched the cold stone.

"Goodbye Lina, rest in peace."

Fin.


End file.
